That's right, a cell phone that bricks itself after less than eight months of good care and gentle use. My LG Accolade somehow managed to brick itself while it was closed, sheltered in a nice breathable pocket, and not having its side buttons mashed. It still turns on, on occasion, but when it does it doesn't show anything but the Verizon Wireless logo on both screens, and it shows that at full brightness until the battery drains or until the battery's removed. It is completely useless as anything other than a brick now, and it's barely useful as that. Worse, everything that was saved in it is lost.
I've still got a fully functional LG VX3300 clamshell that was starting to show its age, and I think I can still dig up the Kyocera prepaid block that was my first cell phone. I bet even that ancient Kyocera would still work if Verizon's network supports it.
On the off chance that there would be some way to unbrick it, I took it in to the local Verizon authorized store today. Mistake.
The clerk tried to sell me an upgrade almost before I asked if there was anything that could be done to save it. If I wanted an upgrade, I would have asked for one and spared you the useless sob story, jackass. An upsell during a call for help is an insult.
NOTE TO ALL CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVES FOR ANY PRODUCT SOLD OR LEASED BY ANY COMPANY: IF YOU WANT US TO HATE YOU FOREVER AT THE START OF ANY CALL FOR HELP, WHETHER IT'S BY PHONE OR IN PERSON, PEDDLE ANYTHING RESEMBLING AN UPGRADE WITH AN UPGRADED PRICE TO MATCH -- DURING A CALL FOR IN-WARRANTY OR UNDER-CONTRACT HELP -- BEFORE PROVIDING ANY HELP AT ALL!
He then asked if I had insurance on the phone. Insurance. On a phone under contract. On a phone still in warranty. Oh, I'm sorry, my bad for not buying insurance that the provider's obligations under a legally binding contract would be honored. How foolish of me.
After failing to get into my account, since apparently account access is required in order to determine whether a phone can be unbricked, and with me being on Verizon's family plan, he said there was nothing he could do. Fair enough. He also said that Verizon corporate wouldn't be able to do anything, either, because they could only do something if the phone malfunctions. According to him, and in spoken words, the fact that my phone became an ex-phone without any physical or electrical contact was not a malfunction. The conversation went something like this:
Clerk: "They can't do anything either, because contracts only cover malfunctions."
Me: "I'd sure classify this as a malfunction."
Clerk: "Well, it isn't."
Me: "My. Phone. Bricked. Itself. Sir."
Clerk: "It's not a malfunction."
I know who I'm not getting any phones or accessories from now! Holy crap, I support things far more complicated than a cell phone (Internet access and services), and I give straighter answers than I got today.
Fortunately, my family dug up phone and account info for me, and a phone call to Verizon (depressingly from another phone) went smoother. I'll know by Friday afternoon, when the replacement arrives.